There is a very stereotypical picture of people in high-level leadership positions. They have the power, the privilege and the freedom that come with being in charge. They sit at the head of the table, make big decisions, have the financial rewards, and have people looking to them for direction. From the outside, it can seem as though there are very few downsides to being at the top.
But there is another side to that picture.
Behind the position, there can be depression, intense stress, insomnia, and an enormous mental load. There may be little time for themselves, relationships that suffer, or barely any private life at all. The higher you go, the more people and decisions you carry with you.
So, the weight of being in charge is often far heavier than it appears from the outside. Leadership may come with power and privilege, but it also comes with a responsibility that can be difficult to bear.
Mental health declining
It is not so rare. In fact, in my experience, it is constant that I meet leaders suffering from anxiety, lack of sleep and, in some cases, deep depression. So, for anyone who thinks that achieving success is all rainbows and sunshine, I have to say: it is not.
That does not mean that people in high positions do not have privileges that others may not have. They do. But I have also seen the price some of them pay for being there. And it can be harsh. In many cases, I think the trade-off is one that a lot of people would not want to make.
So, for all those leaders carrying both the good and the difficult sides of leadership, my first wish is this: take care of your mental health. Do not push it under the rug as something you can deal with later. There may always be another decision to make, another problem to solve and another priority demanding your attention, but your mental health cannot always come last.
The second is to learn how to carry responsibility without carrying everything yourself. Ownership does not mean doing everything alone. It means knowing what is yours to hold, what can be shared, and who you can trust to carry part of the weight. I have seen many leaders struggle not because they lack capable people around them, but because they find it difficult to let go.
Major win or catastrophe
I had a client not so long ago whose decision would determine the future of the company. They had to lead a major transformation in less than a year, and it was genuinely a make-or-break situation, not only for the company but for the people whose livelihoods depended on it. I cannot describe the kind of pressure that puts on someone’s shoulders. I don’t think anyone really can unless they have experienced it.
I worked alongside them throughout the transformation, so I did not simply observe the pressure. In a way, I could feel it too, even from my position outside the organisation. I have seen people in high-level positions come dangerously close to situations where one wrong decision could have had enormous consequences, and where they would ultimately be the ones held responsible.
For some people, that is simply part of the game. They can carry that level of uncertainty and responsibility and keep moving. For others, it means sleepless nights and an enormous mental burden, because they know that their decisions affect not just the business, but people’s lives.
And then there are the shadows that come with it. They are different for everyone. For some, it is the fear of failure. For others, it is imposter syndrome, the constant pressure to prove themselves, or the feeling that they can never afford to get something wrong. Behind the title and the authority there is a person carrying the consequences of every decision.
Isolation
There is one, in a way, funny thing about being in a high-level leadership position: the higher you go, the more isolated you can become.
You can be in charge of people, decisions and an entire business or department, yet people may be less likely to approach you. They can have a picture of the person at the top as someone who reigns over them, someone who might crush them if they say the wrong thing. So they stay quiet.
Now, I am not saying the leader has no influence over this kind of behaviour. Of course they do. The way a leader behaves can create or reinforce that distance. But the stereotype of what a powerful leader is supposed to be also plays its part.
And this becomes one of the less visible weights of being in charge: standing alone. Alone when making difficult decisions. Alone when carrying uncertainty. And sometimes, strangely enough, alone when trying to get honest feedback from the people around you.
Some leaders end up feeling like the scary monster everyone is trying to avoid. The interesting part is that many of them do not enjoy being feared at all. Quite the opposite. I have seen leaders feel genuine discomfort, even shame, when they realise they have made someone feel intimidated or afraid to speak.
They may have the authority everyone else sees, but what they sometimes want most is something much simpler: for people to feel safe enough to tell them the truth.
How to handle the weight?
I am going to be very blunt with every leader out there: leadership can be a lonely place.
You will have battles that need to be fought behind closed doors, and others that will have to be fought within yourself. For that, you need to prepare your mind, sharpen your skills and, sometimes, trust your gut.
All of these things play a part in becoming a modern leader. And if you need someone to help you achieve that, I would be more than happy to do so.