For a very long time, even today, there is (at least in some people’s minds) a deep respect for the ruthless, brutish leader who achieves results without mercy. Management seems to love these types of leaders more than any other kind, because they represent some illusionistic aura that they get the work done (when in fact the work is actually done by the people below them). I personally would like to believe that this epitome of leadership is dying, and at one point, it will become a distant memory.
We somehow connected ruthlessness as the most effective way to get things done, and I think we missed the mark by far. If that wasn’t the case, we wouldn’t have so many burned-out people, the reputation of corporate going so low that people can’t stand to be trapped in that circle, and the lack of motivation to work. At the end of the day, we all need to eat and pay the bills, but if we can choose, who would choose to be berated every workday? Not many, I would say.
Two opposite sides
I think we will need many articles to demystify the illusion surrounding brutal leaders and why they are so admired. Fear has a lot to do with it – fear of them, but also the fear and doubt that we are not as capable as these autocratic figures. You can find them in many settings: corporate offices, politics, and even within the family circle. You know the kind. You can sense them immediately – strict, unwilling to listen, usually claiming to know everything, and taking pleasure in the fear they instill. I’ve always wondered what scares them, and at what turning point they drop the mask. Have you ever been yelled at by someone like this? If you question their authority, they often crumble.
Now, let’s look at the opposite of this character, which does not mean a weak person. This is a very common misconception: that leaders who don’t fill the room with brutish authority aren’t “real” leaders. I have met empathetic leaders who fill a room with presence. They light it up, inspire, and earn quiet admiration rather than fear.
Let me give you examples of both.
I was once part of a team so terrified of the C-level overhead that we woke up with stress before the day even began, and every one of us described the feeling the same way. In contrast, I have also worked for a kind leader who could be disagreeable at times but always listened. We all wanted to work for him. Our perception of him was entirely different compared to the first one. And, I can tell you there is nothing on this Earth that can superficially create and fake this, it is a personal characteristic. You see, people feel both the good and the bad. And no one can tell me that good, empathetic leaders don’t exist. They are not unicorns. I have worked for them and alongside them. That is why I champion organisations that put them in positions where they can handle people, tasks, and pressure so masterfully that your only reaction is admiration.
Enters empathy
I bet that when describing both types of leaders above, your instinct knows right away which one you’d choose to work for if you can. As a human, I understand that pull.
But the real question is: what makes the good leader so good at their craft? To me, it’s empathy. And to be very honest, I don’t think pure, deep human empathy can be taught. It is a trait you are born with. You can improve upon a basic core, learn to better recognise emotions on people’s faces, choose your words more carefully, or know when to be silent, but a good heart is innate.
Thankfully, there are plenty of good leaders out there. That is my advice to organisations: tear down autocratic leadership and create a culture where leaders who bring empathy into the space can thrive. These leaders will take responsibility for the mood and motivation of your employees, and for me, there is nothing more important than creating a healthy, thriving culture.
If you measure satisfaction and results when these opposites lead, you will truly understand the importance of empathy in leadership. And again, that doesn’t mean weakness. It is not a flaw. Calm, knowledgeable, empathetic leaders are out there; it is an organisation’s responsibility to recognise or find them. I think that is an obligation to the people who pour their heart and soul into the work they do for you.