There is one paralysing fear that I have, and many people, I believe, share it with me. It’s made up of two elements: being seen publicly and seen through failure. I also believe that this is a very natural fear, one that most of you have, no matter how brave you are, and the more public your role is, or the more it involves dealing with a lot of people, the greater the chances are that failure will be seen. We have a very unnatural way of reasoning in those cases, believing that everyone is observing us, and maybe even rooting for our damnation, that every detail of that failure is seen, and behind that belief is usually a psychological layer of protection. But I am not here to teach you about that layer, as there are professionals who handle it. I am here to teach you how to deal with it when it happens.
A blast from the past
When I was in college, there was a subject in which all students, as part of the curriculum, had to present a topic to the whole class. What was very unfortunate for all of us in that case was that we had a very strict, almost unpleasant, teacher, and when it happened to be my turn to present in front of the whole room, he chose that moment to teach everybody a lesson through me. He found cracks in my presentation, things that I didn’t know well, and he basically humiliated me because I didn’t know every answer to a topic that was very new to me. That was one of the biggest stresses I experienced in my youth, and to confirm I hadn’t imagined his behaviour, many of my friends who witnessed what was happening came to me afterwards, put a hand on my shoulder, and said, “I don’t know how you got through that.”
All in all, it was an excruciating experience, but from this perspective, I think it was a good reminder to everyone present that the same thing would probably happen to some of them in that class, and it also reminded them of the fear of failing in public. That experience came and passed, but years later I still remember the feeling, and I can easily recognise it in other people. I have seen it in public scandals, political debates, and also among leaders whom I have coached.
I still haven’t reached the part where I explain how to deal with that feeling. So, let’s go through it one by one.
You are not the centre of the Universe
And I really mean this in the best possible way. When leaders in organisations make mistakes that the whole company can see, there is scrutiny around them, and to make it worse, we now have new digital tools to make fun of people, so there’s that. But everything is temporary, and as long as you don’t burn the building down, and you don’t consider it as a death sentence you will be perfectly ok, and the best part is that you are going to learn things you never thought of, such as who is in your trusted circle, who gloats at your failures, and who has the knowledge in the area you have failed to help rebuild it or improve it.
There is also a chance that you overdramatise every mistake. Don’t be fooled, people are mostly preoccupied with their own things to notice that you have sent an email with a typo (something I used to drive myself crazy over), or they don’t perceive it as a big deal.
But when the mistake is of bigger proportions and you can’t miss it, you must remember that all things pass. What you must do in those situations is damage control, and by that I mean minimising the risk and the consequences of that mistake. That is a leadership duty and a wonderful example for the people that you lead, so that they know how to behave when the same thing happens to them. It is one of the postulates of healthy organisations.
Educate the audience
When a mistake happens, it can – and should – become an opportunity to educate those around you about what led to it, the consequences it may have, and the steps that will be taken next. Don’t freeze up with fear. True leadership is about taking the next step, even when the previous one didn’t go as planned. The key is to keep moving.
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”
Winston Churchill
Transparency is another fundamental principle. That doesn’t mean sharing confidential information, of course, but it does mean acknowledging what has happened and communicating what comes next. By doing so, leaders don’t simply resolve a situation; they shape organisational behaviour. They demonstrate that mistakes are not something to hide but something to learn from. You know what amazing things usually happen when people are not afraid to make mistakes? They try more often, and that means a lot of exciting things for an organisation. Usually, they also love their job and workplace more 😊
This is what I would like to see more of in today’s organisations: leaders who are bold enough to admit when things are not moving in the right direction and courageous enough to change course. Too often, people continue down the wrong path simply because they are afraid to admit they were wrong or too ashamed to pivot.
Separate and conquer
You know the saying, “divide and conquer”? I will use it in a different context and with a twist, with a lesson from one human being to another: separate yourself from your failures and mistakes.
You are not the failure that happened. You are a mortal who doesn’t have God Almighty’s abilities. Even if you have the highest IQ, EQ, and capabilities in the organisation, things can happen and take an unfortunate turn for anybody in this life. That should make you breathe easier and make decisions more easily.
I had a crazy idea for a long time: that I should have all the answers. Imagine my relief when I learned I don’t have to live with that unrealistic expectation. To me, being able to ask for help when needed, but also to go to bed knowing that I have given all that I have, gives me enough peace of mind to make peace with whatever happens next.
Since I love quotes, I am going to finish this piece with one that hopefully will set you free: