Anger. I have seen it countless times, within myself, among friends, and with clients. And yet, I am still amazed at how abruptly it can surface, often over the smallest, most insignificant matters, trivial, meandering things that hold no meaning for me, yet somehow trigger something in others. I have witnessed outbursts that completely caught me off guard. I’m sure you have at least one such personal story from work. I have plenty too, don’t worry.
A personal story
Anger at work is not unfamiliar to me. I have expressed it in various ways, openly, passive-aggressively, unconsciously, you name it, but I have also observed it keenly. When you are not emotionally involved in a conflict, workplace anger can seem utterly unnecessary; sometimes it can even be rather amusing to see what people react to. Of course, it is far from amusing when you are in the thick of it.
There is, however, a caveat. I do believe there are smart ways to show dissatisfaction with a situation. There is a certain dignity that should be preserved, even in the toughest circumstances. If you can express your frustration with composure, you win twice, though, admittedly, the idea of yelling your lungs out can sometimes feel very liberating (don’t do it is my advice to you).
Now, story time. Once upon a time, when I was younger and climbing the corporate ladder, I worked for an owner who expressed frustration very openly. In fact, at times it scared me and the rest of the employees, knowing how he could react. I had been exposed to a couple of his angry outbursts that I remember vividly.
On one occasion, I was preparing for a coffee break while he was having his lunch in the small cafeteria. It was just the two of us. I started a bit of small talk, something very plain, simply asking about his day, and he snapped at me in a very loud tone.
“Can I eat in peace?” he yelled.
I was so embarrassed and taken aback that I simply blurted out, “I understand,” took my coffee, and left. The next day, he asked to see me. He apologised for his behaviour and admitted it was wrong to have an outburst like that. I accepted the apology, but to this day I remember the humiliating feeling, and I still have no idea what triggered that reaction. I don’t think it had anything to do with me, but at the same time, I cannot understand how someone can yell on cue like that. This is exactly why I stress the importance of addressing anger at work in a dignified way.
There is no going back after an outburst. Even if you apologise, as a leader or owner, you leave an image in people’s minds that cannot easily be erased. A person who yells so easily will not be approached when problems arise. They will not even be seen as someone people want to work for.
I also have a particular disdain for people who treat others differently based on their role. Those who misbehave towards employees, yet put on a show in front of clients as if they are the most admirable people, create a false atmosphere that I do not respect, and I can usually see right through it. The person in my story had that ability. We saw the ego; clients saw a confident person.
For the conscious leaders
I am going to tell you something you already know: there is no perfection. We are all human, and we react. Yet, conscious leaders have an awareness of their role and understand how to behave and respond, even when anger rises to its peak. I truly believe this is what separates a good leader from the rest.
If you can express dissatisfaction in a dignified way, and learn to stop yourself from misbehaving before it escalates, it carries immense personal power. More than that, it sets an example for those who work for you, showing them that composure and thoughtful action are possible even under pressure. I have always admired people who exude calmness in the midst of the biggest storms. I know they feel emotions just as intensely as anyone else, but these individuals are the ones who leave the ship last. Their quiet authority fills the room, not through noise or spectacle, but through presence and restraint. Stories about them are not tales of outbursts; they are stories of true leadership.
Business can often feel like a battleground, and leaders who can manage their anger effectively are, in my eyes, a rare and invaluable breed. They are the ones who provide light when the weight of challenges threatens to cast shadows across the workplace. We can all aspire to be like them, to bring steadiness and clarity when circumstances seem overwhelming. This is the kind of leadership that inspires trust, loyalty, and respect, qualities that no temporary outburst or loud reaction can ever achieve.